At the age of 29, I feel like I am having a midlife crisis. Of course, this may be a little bit of an exaggeration. With my 30th birthday coming up, I have been reflecting more than most about the answer to “what do you want to be when you grow up”? At this point, I really do not know. I haven’t known for a long time, but I have chosen to just keep going through the motions. After all, I love what I do and where I am at.
I am near family and I have three wonderful best friends. Between my family and friends, I am very much loved and supported. The group have always told me to do what makes me happy and have inspired my hopes and dreams. They have talked me off the ledge of my crazy ideas but have also supported some of the more wilder ones. Between my family and friends, I know what love should look like and what I strive for in a relationship. Just because I have not found that yet, does not mean that I am unsuccessful.
Let me be very honest with you for a moment. My love life could be a lifetime movie. I have been “that” girl that is usually dating someone or at least has one “on the hook” as my mother would say. No, it doesn’t make me feel good and it doesn’t give me a sense of accomplishment. But throughout my dating history, I have realized something. I have dated the same guy over and over again. The difference between each one besides his name, was just his face. For the last 5 months, I have done dating differently. I have dated outside of my normal “type”, engaged in dates I would have never considered, created a Match.com profile, and even agreed to be set up. I have read countless relationship type books about love languages and how to be single. I could be a walking advertisement for self development books at this point, but I love them. I have this addiction to learning and bettering myself.
Throughout this process, I have had countless nights of me crying myself to sleep. I have broken hearts and have had mine broken. Conversations with my mother have occurred daily which have probably broken her heart as much as mine so that I reflect on everything I am experiencing. But at the end of the day, there is only one thing that is truly stopping me. Myself. It is time to dig in deeper and understand what exactly I have learned from all of my past experiences. From being told “No one will ever love you like I do” to believing “I love myself more than anyone ever could”.
My intentions of this blog is to figure out how to love myself and to hopefully help you do the same. The intentions of this blog are for me to do the following:
- Live undyingly happy while living in a world that expects me to be married with children.
- Give myself grace and love that I am oh-so deserving of.
- Get out of my head and start living in the moment.
- Enjoy every single moment of life.
- Find the true happiness within myself again.
I encourage you to subscribe and follow me on this journey. I hope that my life lessons, will help assist you on yours. After all, what is this world if we don’t engage with each other?
Same Guy - Different Face 